Monday, May 23, 2016

Swatch Vigyapan Initiative : All advertisements should carry warning labels like cigarette packs

I'm all for the warning labels that the Government of India is insisting that all tobacco products must carry. It's good to fully understand the risks before buying a product that can potentially do us grievous harm. Look at this pack of Gold Flake Kings :

It leaves no doubt as to what it can cause. Cancer. Clear cut. I am sure that putting such labels on cigarette packets has resulted in :

1. Reduced sales of cigarettes
2. Reduced deaths due to cancer

However, what of other insidious and harmful products that are peddled to us every day ? The Government should not hesitate to enforce similar warning labels on several other products that are harmful to society in general.

I have taken the liberty of making a start to this "Swatch Vigyapan"  initiative - by designing some such warning labels for commonly available but dangerous products. Please feel free to use them in your advertising.

I hope the true citizens of India will take up cudgels for this worthy and most urgent cause. We cannot have a healthy and happy society if people's moral values are dictated by evil greedy corporations and the forces that align with them. Surely our Government is not one of them.

Bharat Maata Ki Jai. 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Vijaykanth, Karunanidhi delighted with Jayalalitha's victory, relieved that prohibition won't be enforced in Tamil Nadu

DMK Supremo M.Karunanidhi and actor-turned -politician Vijaykanth have expressed their great relief and happiness at their sworn enemy J.Jayalalithaa's return to power in the 2016 Tamil Nadu assembly election - mainly because their key election promise of implementing prohibition in the state will now not be necessary.

"Thank God. If we had won the election then we would have eliminated the scourge of alcohol from our beloved Tamil Nadu by enforcing total prohibition throughout the state. Our commitment to eradicate and stamp out this social evil would have been terribly inconvenient for us - forcing us to source all our 'sarakku' from Pondicherry or Bangalore. So it's a good thing Jayalalithaa won." said a visibly relieved Karunanidhi, speaking to a gathering of mildly bewildered reporters.

Whack! Whack!

"I am also happy that we don't have to do all of that mild Photoshop work to correct all those "AMMA" branded products as "ANNA" branded ones as we had planned to if we came to power. I hate fonts." he added. The DMK chief also apologised to all the DTP operators for the loss of work. "You can all go back to needlessly refreshing your desktops multiple times every now and then", he advised.

Whack! Whack!

DMDK leader Vijayakanth orders a quarter of rum to celebrate Jayalalithaa's return to power in Tamil Nadu.

DMDK leader Vijaykanth also echoed Karunanidhi's sentiments. "Kalaignar said that? All right! Fist bump!", he said. "Progbeeshan ella irukattum, vaanga our cuttingoda kondaadalaam! Aoun!"

"We want to clean up the state and make it safe for women and families. So we swore to enforce prohibition, dismantle all the TASMAC liquor stores and make Tamil Nadu decent and middle-class",  he added. " We really didn't think it through. Other than the second one, all the others are pretty bad ideas", he admitted.

"Anyway, I'm glad that I can finally stop pretending to be sober and peacefully get hammered while doing odd-looking Yoga poses" said the former star of Virudhagiri, Vaanchinathan, Vallarasu and many other films beginning with V for Vendetta by Alan Moore and David Lloyd KKG number sorry about that.

Left : Anbumani Ramadoss. Right : Actor Suman reacts to being told that he looks mildly like Anbumani Ramadoss (left)

"Hey! It was my idea!" said an agitated Dr.Anbumani Ramadoss. "Now that the people of Tamil Nadu have emphatically voted to protect their right to drink second-tier liquor brands in hot, smelly bars or in front of grimy TASMAC shops, I accept and abide by their decision. The PMK party and I personally will work hard to diligently drink brands such as Old Key, McLene and Capton in dimly lit areas in and around TASMAC outlets in mildly shady neighbourhoods. That's what the people want", he said calmly.

"No. I don't @#$%ing look like the actor Suman! WTF are you on about?" he suddenly snapped at someone in the audience, before leaving angrily, shaking an expensive but unused pen in the general direction of the secretariat.

While groups of jubilant AIADMK supporters were thronging various locations around the state, one strange gathering of middle aged men and women were seen marching along the streets of Chennai, shouting strange slogans such as "Win or Lose, We Will Booze!", "Jayalalitha is bringing pubs!" and "Indian Tent, Cactus Lizard, Indian Tent and Ovo". For some reason.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Batman V Superman - Bharat Martha Ki Jai

I've always wondered at the bizarre coincidence that both Superman and Batman had mothers named Martha. In the DC Universe, if I was the President of the United States, the moment any woman named Martha had a baby, I'd immediately place the infant under CIA surveillance just in case the little bugger showed any signs of becoming a costumed crime fighter.

Zack Snyder's Superman V Batman : Dawn of Justice is the first story I've come across in the DC Universe that actually uses this crazy fact as a story element. And for that, mad props.

But here's HOW Snyder does it. 

Batman : I'll kill you with Kryptonite , you @@$#%#$%

Superman : Marthaaaa

Batman : WTF??? Why did you say Martha?

Superman : Marthaaaaa

Batman : Do you want me to repeat the question ?

Lois Lane : It's his mother's name

Batman : Oh. Even I. Friendship regained. I will save Martha, don't worry.

Superman : Ok.


Okay, I didn't like the movie. I enjoyed watching it - in the same way you can enjoy watching people repeatedly walking into a particularly well-polished glass door. You grin knowingly as you watch the disaster approach, and roar with laughter when they slam into the glass, look embarrassed, dust themselves off and walk away. Like that this movie is.

So there are two main reasons that the film fails : 

1. Batman is a complete idiot.

For someone who is the world's greatest detective, capable of hacking into LexCorp encryption and discover the existence of secret Metahumans, the Batman in Snyder's film shows an acute lack of basic common sense and functional intelligence.

For starters, what sort of moron goes into a fight against the world's most powerful being wearing a Kryptonite-laced armour that LEAVES HIS FUCKING MOUTH EXPOSED? Really, Batman? Superman is faster than a speeding bullet. In a fraction of a second, with his pinky, he could punch through batman's mouth, reach up into his skull and rip out his brain. The world's greatest detective couldn't figure that out? (To be fair, Snyder isn't responsible for this. Batman has displayed this particular idiocy in the comics forever. But you COULD fix it, you know?)

While on Batman's genius costume design skills - there are several points in the film where Ben Aflleck's mole can easily be seen even when he has the cowl on. Bruce Wayne, genius plus millionaire, can't design a cowl that covers his mole? Or pay for some cosmetic surgery and get his mole removed, for fuck's sake? Or has the world's greatest detective overlooked the fact that he has a mole on his cheek?

Also, why is Batman so pissed of with Superman in the first place? Wouldn't he do a simple background check to see what really happened and whether all that destruction was Superman's fault in all fairness? Wouldn't he give a fellow superhero a bit of the benefit of doubt before deciding to steal Kryptonite, design some ingenious traps and try to murder the guy? It's like the world's greatest detective (sigh) turned into the world's greatest immature teenager and went all you-broke-my-building-and-killed-my-people-so-I-will-get-you.

 If Gotham's safety is in the hands of this guy, I'd be seriously worried.

2. Superman is a complete idiot

Superman's greatest super power in the movie is forgetting that he has superpowers. Seriously.

When Lex Luthor tells Supes that he has an hour to kill Batman or his thugs will kill his mother in some secret hideout, Superman, if he had any brains at all, would : 

1. Spend thirty seconds using super-speed, X-ray vision, super-hearing and telescopic vision to locate the precise location of his mother.

2. Spend eight seconds taking out the goons.

3. Spend thirty seconds taking his mom to safety.

4. Spend five seconds ignoring Batman

5. Spend six seconds crushing Luthor's skull

6. Take the rest of the day off.

Instead, he decides to fly off and fight Batman, get Rekt by Kryptonite traps, brawl like a foolish schoolyard scrapper, nearly get killed, nearly kill Batman and then get saved by Lois Lane before using some TR style Amma sentiment to get Batman over to his side. Go figure.

There's lots more that's terrible - Lois Lane is an idiot. Luthor is an idiot. Jeremy Irons looks oddly like an old Robert Downey Jr. People at Wayne Enterprises are so loyal that they'll wait for their boss' instructions to evacuate the building - even though aliens are tearing the city apart a few feet away. 

But thet's besides the point. In a film that's titled Batman V Superman, my minimum expectation is that these two titular gents think and act like heroes, not clueless idiots who are world class ignorers of their own freaking special talents. 

I so wanted to like this movie. Now I think I'll go play some Arkham City to get my Batman back.